28.9.17

violent femmes

It's been almost a week since our move, and very slowly, our new house is starting to feel like home. There are still many boxes and jobs around this house left to do, like putting up TVs, finding somewhere to plug in my toothbrush charger, fixing the spa bath, fitting a dog flap, doing the edging on the laminates so that the bookcase can be put in it's final position so that we can unpack boxes and have some space in the office, not to mention the finishing touches like hanging up the artwork and putting fluted glass on the glass door between porch and the hall...

In all this, I've been stuck in the house with my father in law, who has done a lot of work for us, for which we are obviously extremely grateful, BUT...

Recently, my sister, the psychologist, came up with an expression "fucking someone's ear". It's when a narcissist drones on and on about themselves and what concerns them, somewhat aggressivelly disinterested in anything you have to say, and you have to smile throug it, lest you offend them. My mother does it and yes, my father in law does it too. But more than that, I have confirmed something that I suspected for a very long time - he is also a misogynist. The type of misogynist who blames single mothers for boys watching pornography, and who demands that women be "nicer" when they talk about their oppression, because using precise language to describe depravity of male violence makes him feel agitated and uncomfortable, and makes him feel like he has to "respond aggressivelly". He throws strawmen arguments around to derail a discussion, and when told to listen insted of talking, he leaves the room agitated. Then, after the conversation stops, he makes you pay for it by fucking your ear with self-aggrandising stories (that you heard before, a million times) about some paternalistic bullshit such as "taking a brash loud mouthed woman under his wing" etc. A man who, until his wife got sick, delighted in telling everyone who wanted to listen, which leggy blonde on the telly was "his favourite", wink wink, nudge nudge. And only stopped after I embarrassed him about it.

Last time my mother stayed with me for three days, I felt like I had a collision with a wrecking ball, like I was ironed flat by a steamroller, I had asthma, everything hurt, I ended up with a chest infection and it took me a month to recover. My father in law is more civilised than my mother. who is erratic and vicious in equal measure and doesn't stop gossiping and trashing people 24/7, but after the conversation with my father in law last night, I felt disgusted and all day today ended up exhausted with asthma.

My poor husband has been working throughout this week, two of his colleagues took holidays, on of them the entire September, and he's been pulling long hours in a difficult environment, last thing he needed was me to complain about his saintly, Catholic, self-sacrificing ear fucker of a father.

My sister has been a great support throughout this, hallelujah for facetime, it's a game changer in long-distance friendships, but yeah, I am really, really looking forward to seeing his back tomorrow. It'll be a while before I run out of excuses to not have him over again.




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